From Now On
by BannerFanner
Summary: After another harrowing adventure, the Doctor and Sarah Jane begin to evaluate what the future holds and what they mean to each other, all while the planet below celebrates the holiday. (Fluffy introspection with plenty of cuddles and drama. Takes place soon before "The Hand of Fear.")


She was swallowed by a blue fluffy bathrobe, a garment obviously made to fit someone several sizes bigger. Still, it didn't matter much. After an Atlantis wannabe on the planet Flonn decided to sink and drag the Doctor and Sarah Jane down with it, Sarah was just happy to be washed of the sea water and back home in the TARDIS where she belonged. It hadn't exactly been the most Christmas-y place to stop off at, but the Doctor had yet to make any mention of the holiday, so Sarah Jane had done her best not to be too obvious. She had bought him a present when they visited the underwater city, but unfortunately it had disappeared into the waves.

Her bare feet padded along the cool floor of the hallway, her hands reaching out to kiss the walls as she walked through the dimly-lit passage. The TARDIS was in "night mode," a handy feature considering the utter lack of linear time the ship actually possessed. Sarah Jane couldn't even be sure that it _was_ around Christmas. The holiday had always been a rather lonely affair for her, but the Doctor made her want to celebrate for real this year, and now it wasn't looking like she would. More and more she was learning not to take her moments with the Doctor for granted. All these adventures, all this risking of life and limb, it was all grand and exciting and marvellous, but it forced Sarah Jane to realise just how much the Doctor truly meant to her, and that she would likely wear out long before he ever did. That's why she wanted to celebrate with him, and why – after nearly drowning on yet another alien world – she found herself seeking him now, Christmas or no Christmas.

'Doctor?' she ventured, drawing the lapels of the bathrobe closed across her chest. 'Where are you?'

'In the library.' His deep tones reverberated on the walls, filling the hallway with a distracted sort of warmth and welcome. He was reading, she thought. He always sounded like that when he was reading. She followed the sound through an arched door, which opened up into a round, impossibly large ballroom-type place with shelves that reached the towering ceiling in every direction. And yet, in spite of this enormity, the place was dark and lit by only a fireplace near the sofas, one on which the Doctor sat, affording the large room a nice sort of intimacy.

'How can you even see what you're reading?' asked Sarah Jane, sitting opposite him on the comfortable sofa. 'Oh wait, let me guess, superior Time Lord biology, right?'

The Doctor looked up from his book and tapped the side of his nose, smiling. 'Actually, I'm not really reading much anyway. I was sort of just waiting for you to wonder through.'

Sarah Jane beamed, and turned her head to the dancing amber flames in the brick just ahead. 'Your hair's still wet.'

'So is yours,' the Doctor observed.

'No harm done, then?'

'Unless you count that one scarf of mine, then no, not really. Besides, I have plenty of those.'

'I thought you might.' Sarah Jane fought to push down a yawn, but it pushed right back and escaped her lips, louder than she had anticipated. She clapped her hands over her mouth.

'You should get some sleep,' said the Doctor, placing his book on the arm of the sofa.

'I don't want to leave you,' said Sarah, already blinking heavily. 'I don't want to be alone on Christmas.'

The Doctor's brows furrowed, and he looked at her properly for the first time that day. Oh, it's not as though he'd been ignoring her – far from it. She was his best friend. She was everything he looked forward to in the morning and thought of when he retired to his library at night, if he wasn't tinkering with the TARDIS, that is. But he realised in that moment that he hadn't been thinking of her as this as often as maybe he should have. He worried that maybe he was forgetting just how lucky he was to have her. Sutekh's words still haunted him weeks after their encounter with the mummies. _She travels with you._ What did that mean to him now?

Of course, this all flew through his mind in less than a second, and Sarah Jane had hardly moved. She leaned back and closed her eyes. The Doctor didn't know how to respond at first, but something moved him, some invisible puppeteer tied strings to his hands and made him grab her by the shoulders, crushing her awkwardly to his chest. She startled at the sudden motion, but when she adjusted so that she was lying against him, she relaxed and closed her eyes once more, her hand finding its way to rest above his left heart, her head over his right. He hugged her.

'Doctor…' she mumbled sleepily. 'I'm sorry I lost your gift.'

The Doctor stared deeply into the fireplace, lost far in his twisting thoughts. 'Don't worry about it, Sarah. It doesn't matter.' His eyes drifted down to her, but she was already sound asleep, exhausted from the day's events. She was, after all, only human.

Only human, and not going to last for ever.

The Doctor couldn't bear to harbour any thoughts of leaving her, and yet he knew that he would have to soon. For her own good, he had to let her lead a regular life, a life in which he had no place. He knew this, but as he thought about this silly little human holiday the Terrans called "Christmas," he realised that now more than ever was a time to show Sarah Jane what she meant to him, even if he didn't quite know how to express it clearly himself.

Placing his hands on her temples, he sent Sarah Jane into an even deeper sleep, so that she would not feel him shift beneath her. He slipped a pillow under her head and stood slowly, his eyes lingering sadly on her sleeping form. She seemed so peaceful tonight. He himself slept so rarely that he often heard her waking from terrifying nightmares in the wee hours. It was nice to see her so contented.

He strolled through the winding corridors of the TARDIS, knowing his ship so well that he barely needed to look up from his shoes to find himself in the console room. He was still deep in thought when he got to work at the controls, letting his fingers caress the buttons and levers, his hands guiding his mind. Local time was 11:58pm on the 24th of December as he sent the TARDIS into orbit around the Earth. He had planned at first to land somewhere, to take her all the way home – but then he realised that this wasn't what either of them needed tonight. It was a time of uncertainty, of insecurity, of love and loss and coming together. It was a time that demanded a middle-ground, a pause between what has been and what will inevitably follow.

'I wonder what's on the radio at this hour,' said the Doctor, patching in a connection between the TARDIS and one of the many, many channels down below. He turned up the volume, letting the beginning of the song fill the room, slowly rising like water in a bowl.

 _Have yourself a merry little Christmas…_

'I've always loved this one.'

Sarah Jane stood leaning against the doorway, smiling over at him with tired eyes. The Doctor turned to her in surprise, but couldn't stop the warm beam that soon occupied his lips. He crossed over to her and cocked his head slightly to the side, taking in every detail of her as though she might suddenly disappear.

'You were supposed to be asleep, Sarah,' said the Doctor.

'When have I ever been one to do what I was supposed to?' She walked with him to the controls, her eyes closing as she listened to the gentle words that floated around her.

 _From now on, our troubles will be miles away…._

'Why did you do this?' she asked softly. 'Why now?'

'I don't know,' the Doctor lied, looking out at the doors. 'I didn't know what to do. I just thought…' He trailed off as she crossed into his line of sight and went to the doors, throwing them open. Protected from the vacuum and cold of space by the TARDIS' shields, Sarah Jane gazed down on the planet and smiled, their music now blasting to the people of Earth.

'Dance with me,' she said.

The Doctor wasn't sure what to do at first, but then every muscle in his body twitched towards her, pushing him into place. 'Why?'

'I don't know.' Sarah Jane wrapped her arms around his middle and pulled him close, pressing her face against his hearts. 'Merry Christmas, Doctor….'

He rested his nose on her head, breathing her in, holding her. 'Merry Christmas,' his voice became little more than a whisper, 'my Sarah Jane….'

 _Through the years, we all will be together, if the Fates allow._

The lights on the planet far below were glowing like stars, like a beacon through the darkness. Maybe it wasn't so hopeless for the Doctor and Sarah Jane. Maybe the end would only lead to a new beginning. Maybe – but as the clocks below struck midnight, they knew this wasn't the time. For now, they held each other and shuffled their feet to the song. For only now existed.

 _Hang a shining star upon the highest bough. And have yourself a merry little Christmas now…_


End file.
